Why Choose EFT for Your Affair Recovery?
You have been hurt by the presence of infidelity in your relationship. This breach of trust could have happened a long time ago. It could have happened last year or you could have just discovered it this week. Time can be relevant or irrelevant depending on who looks at it or how you look at it. What matters most is that it hurts like hell and that you feel like things are falling apart, you’re falling apart. In that place of despair, it can feel impossible for you to have a clear plan on how to heal after the affair.
In an affair recovery, it is difficult for spouses or partners to feel like “we are on the same team” when you attempt to heal through the wounds of infidelity. There is this unavoidable division due to the nature of the event:
The spouse who has been betrayed
The spouse who has been unfaithful
Both carry a lot of pain and shame with them. The appearance and the feel of each partner’s pain and shame show up differently in your cycle of conflict. But it is impossible to acknowledge one without acknowledging the other in order for your trauma recovery to complete.
In turmoil, it is extremely important for you to choose the right approach to tender your healing process, regardless of whether that recovery is for yourself or with your spouse.
Why is that important? It’s because not all types of therapy are designed to treat infidelity. An affair is a very serious type of attachment trauma that can potentially sever your emotional bonding with your loved one. This significant breach of trust and security in the relationship requires a special type of care, one that is grounded in a deep understanding of your attachment needs and of what happens to you when you experience an attachment injury.
For the above reason, I believe that EFT is the gold standard of not only couples counseling but also of affair recovery.
EFT, short for Emotionally Focused Therapy, is the most effective treatment for highly distressed couples. Research shows that EFT is twice effective as the next most successful therapy approach. In many complex cases, EFT works even when other treatments have failed. Visit ICEEFT.com to read more on how EFT is the gold standard of couples therapy and/or click here to read my FAQ page that has concise and helpful information on why to choose EFT for your relationship therapy.
But right here, let’s continue to talk about what you may experience in your affair recovery when you choose to work with a seasoned EFT couples therapist. It’s also important for you to know that a qualified therapist will never shame or blame you or your spouse, regardless of who is the unfaithful partner, in infidelity recovery. Shame has no place in this type of attachment healing work.
For the spouse who has been betrayed:
EFT can help you with:
How to wrap your head around what happened in a safe and structured way so you don’t feel overwhelmed by your emotions and needs for answers
How to identify your vicious cycle of interaction with your spouse to effectively de-escalate your conflict when you attempt to have a conversation about what happened
Why it’s important for you to address the infidelity directly but in a non-blaming way that invites you and your partner to work together instead of against each other
How to manage anger and other difficult feelings when you are triggered
What needs to be done to rebuild trust, safety, and security if you choose to forgive
For the spouse who has been unfaithful:
EFT can help you with:
How to wrap your head around why full disclosure is the best road to protect, not destroy, your marriage
How to prevent shame and guilt from prompting you to shut down and withdraw in difficult conversations
What to do to let go of shame and forgive yourself for what happened
How to communicate your sense of remorse successfully with your partner to cultivate acceptance and forgiveness
What to do to help your spouse heal and rebuild trust and security with you
How to create a closer connection with your partner even when you face shame and other difficult emotions
Affair recovery can feel daunting, especially when your sense of hope seems fickle from time to time. When you are unsure of the road to reconciliation by not having a clear path towards healing, it can feel really scary.
In my disclaimer, it is easier said than done to describe the healing process in a simple, checklist fashion as I did above. I know in reality, there is sweat and blood involved for you to move towards the end of your affair recovery. Please hold onto your hope, just like the saying goes “When there is a need, there always is help.” Find yourself an EFT relationship therapist near you to help you pave a clear path towards your recovery.
