It’s common for partners to move from periods of being drawn to sex to periods of feeling less excited, and sometimes avoidant, towards sex given how many different life circumstances and life transitions you face. Oftentimes, this difficulty in rekindling the spark for your spouse can be addressed effectively in therapy.

You have been hurt by the presence of infidelity in your relationship. This breach of trust could have happened a long time ago. It could have happened last year or you could have just discovered it this week. What matters most is that it hurts like hell and that you feel like things are falling apart, you are falling apart.

When a relationship is in trouble, couples face a few choices: a. Keep going and live with the relationship as is or b. End the relationship. What you may not know is that there is a third option. You do not have to keep going and live with the relationship as is while resentment and disappointment pile up.

“Conflict is bad for marriage. If we fight a lot, that means we’re not compatible.” This very narrative has set many couples up for marriage dissatisfaction from the get go. Conflict is neither good nor bad. And in many instances, conflict can be a good thing. Why?

Pursuers tend to lean more on the anxious attachment style: You tend to feel more anxious about what could go wrong in the relationship. When you bring something up to your partner’s attention, you want to get it done right and while it’s still hot because you feel worried that nothing will change if you don’t actively address it.

In my clinical experience, one of the most daunting consequences of sexual trauma is the feeling of loneliness that lingers even after the abuse is over. Some people refer to this feeling of loneliness as “the void,” an emotional vault that no matter what they do, stays… empty.

It is the uncertainty that family members, especially stepchildren, experience due to not knowing who should be included or excluded in the new family structure. This type of boundary setting is not clear cut because it is not defined by household arrangement or biological relationship.

One common idea that can come up when discussing polyamory is “I didn’t sign up for this when I married you.” This may sound argumentative but being able to speak the truth may help start the healing process. You see, our guts feelings often tell us that we are not built or ready to commit to a certain thing.

We are afraid of being seen as the “bad guy” in our partner’s eyes. We are afraid that they may stop loving us because we say “no” to things that we are not comfortable doing. There are many reasons why people feel hesitant or neglect boundary setting with their significant other.

Blaming comes from a place of disconnection. When we’re in pain, we expect our partner to somehow know it and do something to take the pain away. When they fail to respond to us the way that we expect, we tend to lash out at them for our feelings of hopelessness.

Just like any form of insurance you have purchased in your life, there is no absolute guarantee that you and your belongings will be 100% covered with insurance. Though, the chance of you being protected and cared for against the odds is high. Likewise, love insurance does not provide a conflict-free and eternally-happy condition for your marriage.

Assertive communication can help improve your marriage in a very satisfying way by focusing on calmness, clarity, and honesty in each partner's self-expression.

Not talking to each other (i.e. passive style) does not stop your communication. In fact, you and your partner are constantly communicating with each other regardless of your awareness.

When asked what better communication looks like, couples feel frustrated as the answer they receive sounds foreign to what they think their partner wants.

Understanding your fear, the one that stops you from practicing vulnerability, is critical. For some, it is the fear of the unknown or uncertainty that stops us from telling others how we feel. We are afraid because we don’t know how our loved one would react if we showed them who we are.

When we focus on avoiding pain, we tend to forget that it is also the place where growth occurs. It is true that being vulnerable means facing the risk of being emotionally wounded. However, it also means giving yourself the permission to be truthful of what you feel or experience in the moment and be brave enough to share that experience with others.